2016-01-23 16.28.25FRENCH BULLDOGS, arguably the ugliest cute dogs in the world (or cutest ugly dogs?) require a language of their own.  Not to speak with, but to describe what they do.

“Mais oui!” our little friends say. Part tiny-Zuul, part baby-Batman, their faces open into a smile that literally splits their head in half. They follow that with a Noise.

What do you call that noise, sort of like purring in a cat, but which includes random small explosions of spit and nasal fluids, flourished with jowl smudges? A schnoggel? As in, “Did you just schnoggel on me?”

“Non, je ne sais pas!” retorts your chunk of troll-dog.
“Yes you did. You definitely schnoggeled,” as you wipe your face.

There is never just Action.  There is always Action-Plus-Sounds, random and ridiculous sounds, and always a paroxysm or small detonation of sorts.

When they dash about – and they do dash about, tirelessly – it is hard to find normal words to describe their processes of motion.  A recipe helps:

Take a locomotive, one of the huge old steampunk variety with lots of rapidly-moving external parts and which sends up big puffs of coal smoke. Reduce it to an extremely tiny size.  Add an adorable ham-bone backside. When the ham bones are hurtling along at breakneck speed, toss in a plentiful amount of snaps and huffles. Finish by whisking.

What we call running in a normal dog amounts to huffle-puffing in French-bulldogese. When a Weimaraner trots, the French bulldog buddy keeping up alongside seems to be chifflelitting: dashing, sneezing, going airborne from time to time, snatching at bits of stick, and expressing great enthusiasm for the goal while having absolutely no idea what it is.

These little creatures can keep up with the long legs of a horse in full gallop while simultaneously investigating every scrap of bug and weed they pass.  They can get airborne, floating with ridiculous hang times when transferring their bread-loaf of a body onto a bed or across a stretch of grass. They transfer from a flat-out sprint into an abrupt stop via a back-legs-extended slide. They work themselves into cuddle position with a kind of bone-butting head-shovel.

What the heck do you call those things? We need new words.

If you love to play, please do comment with your favorite descriptions, and share this post with your French bulldog-loving friends.

Because anything as weirdly adorable as a tiny Zuul-troll deserves our full attention…if only for a wee schnoggel.

Have at it,


  1. Great read Katie! With Brady we call the energy burst the “zippies”. You definitely nailed it with actions with noises. Brady does everything with a snort! Haha! I just love it! I believe he says “I love you” and “oh yeah, I like that spot” with snorts. While sneezes are just another way for him to say “oh hello, am I too close to your face? I didn’t think you could see me”. By far, he is an amazing companion who is able to put a smile on my face no matter the circumstances.

    1. Hi Court,
      I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! Likely another one coming soon about The Weimaraner…lol. I LOVE your interpretation of sneezes. Hysterical. I just love their smiles so so much! Thank you for sharing the post if you enjoyed it!

    1. So glad you enjoyed it! Min-Pins have the CUTEST smiles! Please feel free to look through the rest of my posts or social media links; I always appreciate comments. 🙂

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